Hard Wired for Struggle

 "Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something." 

Life can be hard.

Scratch that.

Life IS hard.

But, as researcher Brene Brown says, we are hard wired for struggle. We are MADE for it. But, sadly, we as humans tend to spend the majority of our lives avoiding struggle in order to save ourselves from the inevitable pain that comes in its wake.  We dismiss it or discount it or numb ourselves to it or avoid it or blame it, instead of EXPERIENCING it as a helpful teacher, as a refining fire, as something that is needed to help us grow and transcend into who we were made to be.    

Struggle makes us stronger, more resilient, IF we can muster the strength to face it.  

My bigs and our weekend Bonus Kid have each had a rough start to the school year, each for different reasons.  Some of them may or may not be a wee bit hormonal.  Yikes.  (AN ASIDE:  I highly recommend adding some Bonus Kids to your brood.  They are all kinds of fabulous.  They are funny and clever and kind and polite and helpful and THEY CONSISTENTLY TELL YOUR KIDS TO DO WHATEVER YOU SAY.  Bonus Kid. . . don't ever go far away).  But I digress.

It was determined that the recipe for healing and restoration for these boys was some serious FUN.  WITH A SIDE OF STRUGGLE, OF COURSE.

ENTER THE CLASS FOUR WHITEWATER RAPIDS COURSE.

There was flipping.  There was clinging to the sides of passing boats to try to recover lost oars.  There were lost boats.  There was "digging" into the water with all of their might to make it out of the eddy and back to the shore.  They had sore abs and sore wrists and sore EVERYTHING.

But they were EXHILARATED.

They struggled and not only survived, but THRIVED.  They remembered that they can do hard things.  They remembered that it is not always easy, and it may not be pretty, but that they can get to the other side of struggle.

And the other side is beautiful.  Their shining, smiling faces were proof of that.

They loved the struggle and the exhilaration so much that THEY WENT BACK FOR MORE THE NEXT DAY.  

Life is pain.  Life is exhilarating.  

Both/And.  

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Now, they may be able to see themselves through to the other side of struggle.  But, they can't seem to see the sign that says CHANGING ROOM.  Or, they cannot be bothered to CHANGE IN THE DESIGNATED CHANGING AREA TO SAVE THE EYEBALLS OF ALL PASSERSBY.  Like Glennon Melton says, "We can do hard things.  We just can't do EASY things."  Like changing in a CHANGING ROOM.  GAH.

 

 

Say Yes

Like most parents of our generation, necessity dictates that we run a pretty tight ship. There is not much room for movement and flexibility in our schedules from day to day, and when things start to get cancelled or otherwise shift, the entire house of cards that I've so carefully crafted comes tumbling down.  And then the rebuilding and rejiggering and renegotiation of all the necessary pieces of the logistical puzzle begins yet again.  And then my eyes start to bleed.  Kidding.  (Kind of).   

THAT IS NOT WHAT HAPPENED TODAY.

We have planned to spend the weekend in the mountains of western Maryland since the end of the summer.  And we still are.  BUT. . . we had the great good fortune of being able to be FLEXIBLE for once, and the plan that we were able to create was spontaneous and serendipitous and frankly, of the SPIRIT.  THIS NEVER, EVER HAPPENS.  I'm reveling in it.

A great friend called this morning with a tale of heartbreak that all mothers have experienced.  Her boy is hurting.  My boys are at the teen and preteen lonely stage.  And all of our boys are friends.  I asked, could her boy please join us for the weekend?  

YES!  

But it would be much easier for all if we are able to leave tomorrow morning instead of tonight.  

Well, my boys were BEGGING all last night to attend the FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS game at their school.  (Seriously.  I defy you to find a person who doesn't feel exhilarated and ALIVE when hearing the sound of a drum line, feeling the chill of a crisp fall evening, and watching the glare of the lights on a lush, green, freshly lined field.  That, and the prospect of a little middle school or high school shenanigans?  It's just THE MOST FUN).  

So can we leave tomorrow morning?  And can these monkeys go enjoy their Friday Night Lights?

YES.

I texted the boys.  Then the plans started flying.  The biggest one wants to go with his friend and meet Jason at the game.

YES.

The second biggest then borrowed a phone and called.  Could he please go to his friend's house and then meet Dad at the game?

YES.

I told the boys that their old, sweet friend was coming to the mountain with us.  Their responses?

"Sweet!"

"SICK!"  

So.  Are my boys happily ensconced with school friends, thereby feeling less lonely?

YES.

Can I now have a cocktail with my sweet husband on a beautiful fall evening?

YES.

Can we still have a mountain getaway?

YES.

Do I only have to put two little kids to bed instead of four?

HELL YES!

Do I get a quiet night? An entire evening to do as I please?  Drink a glass of wine?  Read a book?  Watch Netflix?  Go to bed early?

Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes and YES. 

Holy guacamole.

I get to say yes.  

What a complete, unexpected pleasure.

This one?  He wants to carve the pumpkin he brought home from school RIGHT NOW.

YES.  Unequivocally, absolutely, positively YES.