Hard Wired for Struggle

 "Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something." 

Life can be hard.

Scratch that.

Life IS hard.

But, as researcher Brene Brown says, we are hard wired for struggle. We are MADE for it. But, sadly, we as humans tend to spend the majority of our lives avoiding struggle in order to save ourselves from the inevitable pain that comes in its wake.  We dismiss it or discount it or numb ourselves to it or avoid it or blame it, instead of EXPERIENCING it as a helpful teacher, as a refining fire, as something that is needed to help us grow and transcend into who we were made to be.    

Struggle makes us stronger, more resilient, IF we can muster the strength to face it.  

My bigs and our weekend Bonus Kid have each had a rough start to the school year, each for different reasons.  Some of them may or may not be a wee bit hormonal.  Yikes.  (AN ASIDE:  I highly recommend adding some Bonus Kids to your brood.  They are all kinds of fabulous.  They are funny and clever and kind and polite and helpful and THEY CONSISTENTLY TELL YOUR KIDS TO DO WHATEVER YOU SAY.  Bonus Kid. . . don't ever go far away).  But I digress.

It was determined that the recipe for healing and restoration for these boys was some serious FUN.  WITH A SIDE OF STRUGGLE, OF COURSE.

ENTER THE CLASS FOUR WHITEWATER RAPIDS COURSE.

There was flipping.  There was clinging to the sides of passing boats to try to recover lost oars.  There were lost boats.  There was "digging" into the water with all of their might to make it out of the eddy and back to the shore.  They had sore abs and sore wrists and sore EVERYTHING.

But they were EXHILARATED.

They struggled and not only survived, but THRIVED.  They remembered that they can do hard things.  They remembered that it is not always easy, and it may not be pretty, but that they can get to the other side of struggle.

And the other side is beautiful.  Their shining, smiling faces were proof of that.

They loved the struggle and the exhilaration so much that THEY WENT BACK FOR MORE THE NEXT DAY.  

Life is pain.  Life is exhilarating.  

Both/And.  

Now, they may be able to see themselves through to the other side of struggle.  But, they can't seem to see the sign that says CHANGING ROOM.  Or, they cannot be bothered to CHANGE IN THE DESIGNATED CHANGING AREA TO SAVE THE EYEBALLS OF ALL PASSERSBY.  Like Glennon Melton says, "We can do hard things.  We just can't do EASY things."  Like changing in a CHANGING ROOM.  GAH.

Blog to Book: Carry On, Warrior

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I finished this beauty of a book a week ago, and have not been able to write since.  I am afraid to write about this book,  because I know what I will say will pale in comparison to the essays of the incomparable Glennon Doyle Melton of the blog, Momastery.  I don't want to detract from the Truth, Redemption, Humor, and Pathos that are found within these pages, which has occupied my mind and heart since I finished reading.  I also know this feeling would make my new friend Glennon* sad and despondent (as described in Building a Life) .  So, in order to find some inspiration, (and to procrastinate by joyfully rolling around in her words even more), I dove in headlong and found this gentle, grace-filled, kick in the pants:

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 Which, thanks to my new friend Glennon, is an oft heard refrain in my house.

Here's the thing.  I am intimidated and awed and humbled by the insight, honesty, and theology housed in these essays, and am simultaneously paralyzed by the TRUTH she tells, the beauty of her writing, and the feeling that my paltry attempts at composition are NOTHING compared to what real writers can do.  To what she did.  Because she has kind of said everything that I could. And then said some more.  All while doing the things that I do all day, like raising children, tending a marriage, teaching, and messily attempting to live out my faith.

When reading some of these pieces, like I feel like girlfriend stole my brain.  How did she know what I have been thinking all of these years?  How did this stranger new friend get in my head?   And damn her for writing it all down before I could!  Reading is my inhale.  Writing is my exhale.  YES!  Yes Glennon!  How did you know?

Thanks to her courage and radical truth-telling, she has given voice to some Truths that I have always known, but hadn't found the words to express.

You Can Do Hard Things

We Belong To Each Other

Love Wins

Be confident because you are a child of God.

Be humble because everyone else is too.

And just when my inadequacy is about to take me, and this post, down, I read these words:

If, anywhere in your soul, you feel the desire to write, please write.  Write as a gift to yourself and others.  Everyone has a story to tell.  Writing is not about creating tidy paragraphs that sound lovely or choosing the "right" words.  It's about noticing who you are and noticing life and sharing what you notice. When you write your truth, it is a love offering to the world because it helps us feel braver and less alone.  And if you're a really, really bad writer, then it might be most important for you to write because your writing might free other really, really bad writers to have a go at it anyway.  

If you feel something calling you to dance or write or paint or sing, please refuse to worry about whether you're good enough.  Just do it.  Be generous.  Offer a gift to the world that no one  else can offer:  yourself.

So, I will write.  Hopefully often.  Certainly badly.   Because as Brene Brown says, unused creativity is not benign.  And I do have stories to tell.  Even if my stories are revealed through the stories of others.

Thank you, my new friend and writing mentor, for sharing your stories.  The world is bigger and bolder for it.  Carry On, Warrior.

*Her work is so honest and REAL.  She feels like my new friend.  And in a way, she is.